This weekend I bought a vegetarian cookbook. The past few months I’ve been eating truckloads of meat because in my attempt to avoid gluten, I chose to follow a low-carb diet. I thought I might kick some weight while giving some peace and quiet to my intestines.

But, even though I lost some weight, it’s never felt good. Because at heart I would sooner like to stop eating meat than to eat more. In the first place I’m totally against the scale of meat production. And in the second place I love cows and pigs and well, any animal, basically. And I can’t stand the idea of animals being hurt, let alone being killed for my tastebuds.

So why am I not a vegetarian (yet)? Well, I’ll be honest. Because I was weak. It wasn’t even that I loved meat so much that I wanted to keep eating it. It’s more the seeming enormity of the change and the fact that I don’t like legumes, which to me seem inherent to living the veggie life. I didn’t really know how to go about it and still prepare satisfying meals without meat. So, although I was interested, I never really pushed through.

I’ll be very candid now and say that I have just finished crying my eyes out, feeling all sick with disgust and guilt. This evening I downloaded “Skinny Bitch“, a book about healthy food which was recommended on the website of the Vegetarian book that I bought this weekend. The book was so great that I’d already come a long way and well…I came to the tough part: the slaughtering…No. Let me correct that. To the abuse and torture that takes place in slaughterhouses of our then still living pieced of meat. The descriptions are very graphic and I’ve a vivid imagination. Even though I already knew, hearing it described so graphically made me sick. Literally. I will not throw the descriptions upon you, but if you’re interested in healthy and humane eating, this book is so terribly worth reading or listening to. It’s not an easy read, though and I suggest you make sure you have some hankies about for a terrible sob.

But I am not eating meat anymore. To know now that the idea that I kept hidden in the back of my head of the so-called animal welfare is true and even more horrible than I’d imagined, it’s enough for me. I don’t want to be part of these awful practises anymore. I shall no longer contribute to these practises.

So, if anyone has a really good veggie recipe without legumes, I’m all ears! And if you have a recipe that will make eating legumes easypeasy, I’m even more ears!

Right. It’s already late and I feel terrible still. I’m going to try and shake off the terrible images from my mind’s eye and perhaps make a shopping list for tomorrow already. Hope I can still fall asleep and not dream…