More than any of my other recent paintings, this gouache painting I’m currently working on tells tales about what my life’s been like in the past few months. Recent developments have rendered me far from relaxed and focussed. Even though it may seem that I’m working in a continuous flow, I am not. Far from it.
Settling down in our new hometown takes way more energy than I’d expected. And with recent turmoil, I’ve even found myself wondering why I should bother at all. Sounds pretty depressed, huh? Well, the thing is, life’s always turmoil. Especially when you’re in your thirties. It’s damn hard work. Your family is, your work is, social life is, your ambition is, your health is…there never seems to be that moment off. But I was dealing with that pretty okay…even when we decided to move. I just worked that bit harder. And once I have a goal before me, I’ll work my brains out if I have to and make it. And I did.
But then summer came and I felt I was really tired. Drained. But I was glad relief was nigh for I could relax for 6 weeks! Of which we would all be together for half of them. Great! I really needed to unwind. But then a week before the holiday bad news came. Worries. Big worries. And then the summer holiday started and so did the rain. The horrible weather lasted the entire summer break. We were not relaxed. At all. Juggling to keep the kids happy, heavy talks when they were in bed and many restless nights.
Well, I didn’t exactly get to unwind at all. I’m pretty much wound up still. And it’s getting to the point where it’s simply been too much too long. I’m keeping our lives here on track, but I’m feeling detached. I’m on auto-pilot, but as I go, I feel my body’s slowly breaking down and it’s sending out signs I should no longer ignore. I’ve tried painting as a means to relax and it helps to a certain extent. But there’s just things that need to find closure, that need to be fixed. And that simply takes patience, time and faith. And being in such low spirits it’s just really hard to find faith, let alone patience.
Detached. Me lying on a floating piece of a life that feels shattered to pieces. Cold, alone and undescribably tired.
I know life will get better. Someday. And perhaps even tomorrow morning life won’t seem as heavy as it does today. There are days that feel a little bit easier every now and then. But I wish I could move forward the clock. I really do. Just for a few weeks. Although I know I don’t only need the fall break to take some rest…I also need to reset my mindset and put on my pink glasses to see the world through happier eyes. It’s going to take some digging, this time. But I’ll get there.
One of the things I’ve been meaning to pick back up here, is teaching Art Journaling classes. I can’t wait to work with people again. And what’s really great, is that I’ve got two places where I can teach this time! I can teach an intimate group of up until 4 people in my own studio and I can teach a group of anywhere between 5 and 16 people in a classroom I can hire anytime!!! Isn’t that great?! If I get enough students who are interested in an ‘encore’, I might be starting my Thematic Weekly Journalling evenings!!! A fixed group of people journalling together on a weekly theme…writing, drawing, painting and whatever technique is requested…
So, I’m updating my Classes and Workshops so that I’ll be able to start teaching coming January. I hope to have my Class website up and running as of October! Because there WILL be an online class for everyone who can’t journey all the way here…we can journey together…online…
Thinking about this brightens my heart already. I simply finally want to get back on track with my life. It’s been in moving boxes for almost 1,5 year and it needs to be unpacked and put on track again. And to finally be connected to people with a shared passion…I can’t wait…you’ve all been out of my life for way too long!
Oh, speaking of sharing a passion…I’m going to take real painting classes!!! I don’t know yet if I’m being clever…a self-taught artist getting under the wings of a technical teacher. But I thought it’s time to get a little kick in the behind…I want to move that bit further. I want to learn more about oil painting. I need to learn a bit more about technique in order to be able to move on by myself. So, I’ve actually planned to take classes with two teachers…first with a teacher who’s style is very classic and then with teacher whose style is pretty much like my own, only hers is stronger and better. More academic. But I first wanted to attend classic painting classes…I want to challenge myself a bit…to think outside my little box…hehe.
So, there’s clouds and there’s blue skies. I’ll be fine. And I know I’m almost there. But I have decided that I should not wait for a moment in the future to be happy. I can be happy now. In little things. And right now I’m happy in the anticipation of a lot of nice art activities and meeting art people in the near future…